Confession

I always regard myself as gutsy, brave, heart of steel kinda person. But lately the feelings started to decline bit by bit. I'm becoming timid and scared. Well, more to paranoid to be exact. My overactive imaginations of the 'what if' scenario always went to the very worst situation possible and I can't steer it to the positive side. I ended up having panic attack, edgy, agitated and frustrated all day long. I get worried over everything quite easily. Like if my brother get on his bike and went to the shop behind our house, I'll be pacing around the house like mad until he get back home safely. I watched over everyone in the house while they were sleeping just to make sure that they're breathing and still alive (especially my mom). I can't sleep if one of my siblings is not home yet. And the list goes on.... I don't like this, the feeling. I just wanna get rid of this riddiculous paranoia coz it drags me down mentally, phsically and emotionally. And I'm sick of it! There's a lot going on in the past few months which I believe contributes to my situation. I can say that I'm traumatized by all the events. I honestly don't know if I could ever feel normal again. I hope I could. All I can do now is pray to the Almighty for my strength that I once had. Never give up, keep praying and fight the negativity inside me. I believe Allah will help me, Insya Allah.

The BB story...

I've bought a new phone. Ok, not a 'new' new..2nd hand jer pun..but still new to me lah kan. And sebenarnya pembelian adalah di taja sepenuhnya oleh my uncle.

So, the day my uncle gave me the money, aku terus survey BB d mudah.my tapi macam tak berapa berkenan with what they have there. Rasa was was tu tebal sangat and takut kena tipu. Fikir punya fikir, roger adik aku minta tolong. I trust his judgement when it comes to phones or fancy gadgets. Tapi dalam hati still tawakal habis lah..hehe. Kejap je dia cari, dah jumpa pun BB idamanku. Signed sealed delivered on the spot. But aku kena tunggu ler si adikku tersayang came home from work baru boleh bermesra dengan cinta baru. Tak sabar rasa! 

Pendek cerita, he came home with the phone and when I saw it, I was like, 

Whaaaaat?? Touch screen????? *slaps forehead*

 Adoi. Masak la aku! Memang aku bermasalah pakai phone touch screen. Dah jari gemuk, lain di tekan lain yg keluar. Help! Oh well, apo nak buek. Dah di beli pun. And you know what? I love it! Cuma aku memang stresslah dgn touch screen ni. I need more practice and even more patience. Wish me luck! Oh, it's BB Torch 9860, by the way ;)

 P/s haaaa...siap pun! Punyalah seksaaaaa menaip entry ni! Hampir musnah kesabaran aku tau! Update via phone.

Hajat

Semakin bertambah list hajat yang tidak kesampaian.
Kecewa hati. Tapi it's okay...ada rahmat disebaliknya.
Cepat atau lambat, itu rahsia yang Esa.
Doa & usaha, kombinasi terbaik untuk mencapai apa yang dihajati.
In Shaa Allah akan dikabulkan juga satu hari nanti :)

What's Going On So Far...

Semenjak tak bekerja ni, aku rasa lebih relax dan sangat tidak stress.
No more serabut otak memikitkan sales target..
No more daily telemarketing *lompat bintang berjuta kali*
No more daily sales report...walaupun 80% report aku tu karangan belaka..ngeh ngeh ngeh!
Haih, tarik nafas lega acik tau!

Tapi bila sudah di rumah ni, rutin kehidupan setiap hari adalah sama.
Pagi: Bangun, kemas dapur & luar, buat sarapan, mandikan budak budak (anak buah & little cousin), kiddies nap time. Lepas bebudak tidur, aku ceppat2 masak, mandi & solat.
Afternoon: Bagi makan budak budak, TV time, then nap time round 2. Dapatlah aku rehat & solat asar.
Petang: Mandikan bebudak, masak & bagi makan the kids. Mandi & solat Maghrib & Isyak.
Malam: Total resting time & online sampai lebam. Kalau bukan online, movie marathon.

Tu lah rutin aku 7 days a week. Sometimes bertukar jugak la if ada urusan ke apa baru keluar ke mana mana. Maklumlah, acik ni bukanlah suka keluar tak tentu hala so 90% of my time memang habis kat rumah jer.

Anyways, the interview that I went the other day did not came through. I didn't get the job. Nak buat macam mana kan dah bukan rezeki...ai redhaaaaa jer lah. Cuba cari tempat lain pulak.

Oh, by the way..I've submitted my loan application to the bank. Hopefully everything is ok.

Wish me luck, guys..I really really really need it!